NEDA Week Guest Author: Amanda Lewis

Hey there! My name is Amanda Lewis and I am Miss Spirit of St Louis 2020. I am lucky enough to be one of Ashley’s sister queens! As we have spent the last year together, we have realized that we are both passionate about the same things. Ashley is studying to be a dietitian with goals of working in the eating disorder field, while I am a strong advocate for eating disorder recovery. 2 years ago I spent a month in residential treatment for anorexia. Since then I have started a blog, an Instagram and Facebook page, and an advocacy campaign. I hope you enjoy an interview between Ashley and I about my story and some common eating disorder stereotypes!  
 1.How did you realize you were struggling with anorexia?  

• Eating disorders love to convince people that they are “not sick enough.” No matter how bad things may be, the eating disorder always wants to keep going. You can have everyone around you tell you how worried they are and how sick you are, but the eating disorder will dismiss all of it. I knew that things weren’t going great, but I wasn’t that concerned because I thought things could always get worse. For some reason my eating disorder said that I wasn’t sick because I hadn’t passed out. I don’t know why that was the deciding factor, but eating disorders are weird. Hearing the anorexia diagnosis for the first time broke me. I wasn’t surprised to have an eating disorder, I knew that. But finally having someone give it a name broke my heart. It was one of the hardest things I had to hear. You’d think that would be enough for me to seek treatment, but eating disorders don’t work that way... 

 2. If you yourself didn’t realize it right away, who in your life became aware that you were struggling and encouraged you to seek help?  

• Everyone that was close to me knew I was struggling. Usually eating disorders are very secretive, but I have such strong relationships with those around me that I was able to let people in. I started seeing a therapist in October of 2018. I enjoyed it, but things really didn’t improve. Quite the opposite actually. In December my therapist quit. By a miracle of God, I ended up hearing from a therapist I had been put on the waitlist for months ago, and she had an opening. The end of January/ beginning of February is when things really took a turn. I started seeing a dietitian and doctor for the first time, and saw the new therapist. In those 3 appointments, each one said I needed a higher level of care. That changed things for me. If these 3 professionals believed the same thing after an hour appointment with them, maybe they were right. I couldn’t focus in school, I wasn’t happy, I was exhausted, the list goes on. In February of 2019, I started looking for treatment centers.  

 3. What was treatment like and how are you taking steps every day to continue your recovery?  

• I was admitted to residential treatment at Timberline Knolls on February 26, 2019. There are so many things to say about residential treatment, but the best way to sum it up is that my time in treatment was the hardest but most important month of my life. Treatment had to start with the re-feeding process, which was brutal. But the mental side of recovery could not come without the nutritional side first. Each day was spent in different groups, individual appointments, and having lots of meals and snacks. There are so many things I learned at treatment, but one of the biggest takeaways is that how I feel is much more important than how I look. Check out my blog for more insider stories from treatment, I have written about it a few times!  
• A large misconception in eating disorder recovery is that you hit “recovery” and then it’s over. In reality, recovery is something you have to choose every day. I am 2 years out from residential treatment and still see a therapist, dietitian, doctor, and psychiatrist. The appointments are less frequent, but still necessary. When I wake up each day, I have to consciously choose to make recovery focused decisions all day. I still have a meal plan and I am still challenging food rules and eating disorder thoughts. The difference now is that recovery is the priority, and the eating disorder thoughts is no longer in charge.  

 4. What do you see as the most dangerous thing about eating disorders that people aren’t aware of?  

• One of the most dangerous things about eating disorders is that they affect so much more than just nutrition. Eating disorders affect memory and concentration and usually come along with anxiety and depression. Many people think that an eating disorder is just “not eating.” That’s not true at all. That may be a part of it, but they are much more complex than that and are different for everyone. They are so dangerous because they can affect everything in your life and cause lifelong problems.  

 5. What are some signs that someone may be struggling with an eating disorder and how can we as their friend, family, etc. address that and seek help for that individual?  

• There are so many stereotypes surrounding eating disorders that the majority of people believe. One of the biggest lies is that someone has to be losing weight to be struggling with an eating disorder. Eating disorders don’t have a “look.” There are a few signs to watch for. If you eat with them often, watch for things like restricting portions, cutting out foods they used to enjoy, eating really small bites, or avoiding meals entirely. Other signs can be things like loss of focus, withdrawal, increased depression and anxiety, and increased discomfort with body image. If you believe someone is struggling, you need to address them one-on-one. Do not say anything in public. Get them alone and truly ask them how they are. Don’t assume, don’t accuse, don’t blame. Let them know they are loved, and ask them how you can best support them in this moment.  

 6. Why is NEDA Week especially important to you?  

• I didn’t know about NEDA week until a few years ago, but it will always have a place in my heart. The first day of NEDA week in 2019 was my first day of residential treatment at Timberline Knolls. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into or what was coming. I just knew that I had to do something to save my life. I left my family and friends, my technology, and everything that I had known to be placed in a new town at a new place with new people. I found out that it was NEDA week and went to the opening ceremony. While listening to the speakers, I found a new sense of hope. I felt like I could recover. All week we had special NEDA week themed activities and special events. Now whenever NEDA weeks comes around, I am reminded of my time at TK and the true beginning of my recovery journey.  

 7. How will you continue educating people on the dangers of eating disorders throughout the rest of your life?  

• Suffering from an eating disorder was one of the hardest things I have had to go through. With that, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Beginning my recovery journey is what inspired me to become an advocate. Once I started sharing my story I had kept in hiding for so long, I knew that it was what I was meant to do. I know I want to go into the mental health field, and I would love to work specifically with eating disorders at some point in my career. The biggest way I will continue educating people on the dangers that come with eating disorders is by being completely transparent and vulnerable. When I share my story, I share every detail. There is not a question I won’t answer because the best way to learn is from someone who has been there and has made it to the other side.   

 8. What is your best advice on learning to love your body as it is and find peace with food regardless of the pressures that diet culture puts on women and men everyday? 

• Learning to love your body is a process. It is not something that you can wake up and feel. As much as it stinks, the longer you’ve struggled with body image, the longer it will take to get to a place of love. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to love your body. Of course that’s the goal, but it’s ok to not be there yet. If loving yourself is too hard right now, focus on neutrality. You can’t just jump from hate to love in one day. To work towards neutrality, focus on appreciating your body. Every day, think about something your body does for you that you are grateful for it. It could be your legs for taking you places, your arms for hugging a friend, anything. The more you can learn to appreciate your body, the closer you can get to loving it, even if it takes longer than you would hope.  
• Diet culture is the worst! The best way to stop believing the lies of diet culture is to remove yourself as much as possible. Unfollow negative accounts, stop reading tabloids, do whatever it takes to fill your mind with positivity. Like body positivity, beginning to accept food is a long process that can start with neutrality. Remind yourself that food is not “good” or “bad.” Food is food. Any food can be a part of a balanced diet that makes you feel good both physically and emotionally. Diet culture has ruined the idea of eating food for pleasure. No matter what you eat, you are fueling your body and that should be celebrated!  

 Thanks for tuning in to a short segment of my story! You can find out more at my blog, https://chooseharmony.home.blog, as well as an interview I did with Ashley, or follow my Mental Health Instagram @choose.harmony and Facebook page Miss Spirit of St Louis 2020-Amanda Lewis.  
Thank you so much Ashley for letting me be a guest author on your blog and I am beyond excited to keep advocating for eating disorder awareness with you!